don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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