a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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