is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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