I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The best revenge is premature balding
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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