just come out here and I will go home with you...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
