When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
