was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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