and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
