Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Randomize
