Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
