at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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