Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
