Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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