Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
