I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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