didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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