yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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