Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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