It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
