if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize