I'm lost and stupid without you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
