so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
