the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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