Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
