Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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