I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
