my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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