Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
