I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
