We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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