This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
