If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
