I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
