Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
