I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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