Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So. Much. Porn.
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