About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
