Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
