I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize