Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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