not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
