Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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