I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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