Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
