wrigley field is MILF paradise
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
