I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
