he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
