Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
