Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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