take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Michael Bay diarrhea
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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