Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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