Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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