I just saw a hot homeless man
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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