there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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